What's Lot got to do with it?

Where this all started

You may know this about me already, but I attend a real sweet Southern Baptist church on the side of a cattle hill in a tee-tiny town in western Kentucky.  I was born in a tee-tiny town in Mississippi, and raised in this tee-tiny town I live in now. I couldn't be more southern if I tried. My mama made sure of that.

So you can imagine it has been quite the struggle for me to decide what kind of wife I want to be. The southern girl in me has quite a bit of sass, but there is also a stigma that comes with being a southern wife that you know just how to cook and clean and make everything look just peachy on the outside. Due to some circumstances in my own mama's life, she chose the route of Mrs. Independent. For good reason. I'll explain all that when God leads me to. But despite my best efforts, being Mrs. Independent when I became Mrs. Mike was really bringing our marriage down. I was determined to fight for my independence. I didn't need a man to boss me around.

And then I went to church one Wednesday night...and my pastor has this way of knowing exactly what to say so that everyone in the congregation gets exactly what you're supposed to out of the sermon each time he opens his mouth. I couldn't even tell you what the rest of the sermon was about, but he literally told us that- get this- the MAN leads his family and wherever the MAN leads his family, the family will follow. Even worse? Whatever the MAN gets out of that path taken, the family will also.

Well, I was steaming. No way. The MAN can not possibly have that much power! I get whatever I want out of whatever situation I am in! That's on me! What on EARTH could he be talking about?

The Moment of Truth

My pastor used Lot and his family as an example for his justification behind men leading their families. So, naturally, I took to reading the story of Lot. I know you all know the story of Lot, but let me give you a quick recap:

Lot is the nephew of Abraham. THE Abraham. Father Abraham. With many sons. So he was sort of a big deal. Lot's father died when he was young, so Abraham took him in and practically raised him and showed him how to live a Godly life. Lot, however, was all about instant gratification and living in the present. When God started to bless both men, Abraham told Lot to choose a land to go into and raise his family there. Abraham trusted God to deliver him no matter the conditions of the land, but Lot chose Sodom and Gomorrah (dun..dun..DUN!!). At the time, Sodom and Gomorrah was a flourishing land that looked very promising, but Lot didn't make his choice based on God's will for him. He wanted what looked good NOW. So he took all his belongings, and headed to the doomed land. Eventually, he became the gate-keeper for this horrible place. The land was full of men and women that were living in some pretty wicked ways. When God had had enough, he sent 3 angels to destroy the town of Sodom and Gomorrah and deliver Lot and his family. So Lot grabbed his daughters and wife and ran to safety. Meanwhile, his wife looked back on the burning town and was turned into a pillar of salt. Ouch!

My Connection

I told you previously that I have read approximately one million books on becoming a submissive wife. So after rereading the story of Lot, I started to make some connections here. You've heard it over and over that what men crave is respect and what women crave is love. So I started this bible study about being a submissive wife and do you know what that study told me to do? I was challenged to respect my husband. Fine. I can handle that. But do you know what else I was to do? Respect him...even when he DOESN'T deserve it. Hold on. What now?

I may be the only one on the planet, but when the pastor talks about men loving their wives like Christ loves the church, I am the FIRST to elbow my husband right in the ribs. "That's right, honey! Love me like Christ loves the church! HA!" And in my own opinion, I didn't have to do diddly squat as a wife until he loved me like Christ loves the church. What I never considered was my role in the whole matter. If he is to love me like Christ loves the church, then I am to be the church. I am to submit to his will. I am to trust him to guide me. I am to respect him...guess what... even when I don't feel like it.

Some of you may still be steaming. So hear me out.

When you're put through some real trialing times, what is it the Bible tells us to do? I'll give you a hint: trust God.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. -1 Peter 1:6 (NIV)

So if I am to be the church in my marriage, I am to trust my husband even when I'm not sure where he is going with his decision. Can I doubt? Of course! I've doubted God's plan for me many times, and maybe I'm the only one who has! But as a Christian, I am to pray and trust that He will lead me to a better path-- NOT shake my fist and get mad and pouty.

Now let's go back to our story of Lot and his family. Can you imagine what Lot's wife must have been thinking? Dude had chosen the path to Sodom and Gomorrah AND continued to live in that path even when the town had turned into an awful, wicked place. It was not until God literally sent 3 angels to deliver him from his mistakes that Lot even made the choice to follow God's will. As Lot's wife, I'm sure I would have been awfully perturbed. I trusted Lot all this time and it had gotten me nowhere. And now, he was actually asking me to just grab my daughters and run for the hills as my home and everything I had worked for was destroyed! Are you kidding me? In today's time, someone would be preaching to you that your man ain't worth nothing! In the end, it was her own doubting that turned her into a pillar of salt. She did not trust her husband when she felt he didn't deserve it. Unfortunately for her, that wasn't her call to make. God, despite Lot's mistakes, still considered Lot a righteous man (2 Peter 2:7-8). The worldly part of us may think that is absolutely absurd, but if God looked at us the way we deserved based on our mistakes, there would be no such thing as grace. I'm thankful God still thinks Lot is righteous.

Let's say you want to try this whole submissive thing...what is the first step?

Truthfully, as in everything, your first step should be prayer. Your role in this relationship is just as important as your husband's... so please don't misunderstand your submissiveness as a way of backing down. Your job is to encourage and uplift your husband so he feels respected and supported as he does a pretty MASSIVE job in your household (leading your FAMILY in the way Christ would have you go).

What are some important things to pray for? I'll tell you what is on my list. Feel free to add to!

1. A change of heart: I can never truly be the submissive woman Christ wants me to be if I don't truly believe in this. I pray daily for Christ to soften my heart to the idea of being a submissive wife to my husband and allowing me to respect him, even when I think he doesn't deserve it.
2. Understanding: I had a REALLY hard time understanding why God chose women to be the submissive ones. I feel like a strong woman, plenty capable of making choices for myself. But just like I can't pick and choose the scriptures I want to live by in the Bible, I can't just omit the fact that Christ called me to be a submissive wife. I have prayed that God would enlighten me on WHY I am to be submissive, and also WHAT that LOOKS like in my marriage.
3. Your husband: If you are about to put your full trust in your husband to guide and direct your family, you better hit the ground running in prayer. No man can do this whole life thing on his own, and neither can you! We NEED Christ to guide us. Pray fervently and diligently that your husband will guide your family based on God's will, not his will! Pray for your husband to trust in God like Father Abraham...not his nephew, Lot.
4. Your family: It is still 100% your job to be in prayer for your family. Just because your husband is listening more intently to God's will for your family, doesn't mean your job is any easier. Pray for your family. Pray that they will respect your husband the way you do and that they will continue to walk in the will Christ has in store for each of you!

So I guess you can say Lot and his family are what started all of this for me. When I really dig into his story, I can see a lot of things I am doing that I need to fix. This week think about these things (and feel free to comment!): What stood out for you in Lot's story? Now that you're looking at this from a new perspective, did you get something new out of the scripture? Are you still a skeptic? What is your main goal for your marriage? Is it possible to be a submissive wife and not lose the person you are?